let me introduce our little june bug
A little over nine months ago I had a baby. It was the most incredible experience of my entire life. I don’t know why it has taken me this long to introduce her to the world, I guess there’s a sort of “momma bear” protection behind it all, but I feel like the time is right. This is Caroline June Rainey. She is sweetness, she is love, she is crankiness, she is fire, she is her. When my husband and I found out that I was pregnant, it was pretty much a guessing game in our heads of what our child would be, boy or girl, and what name we would place upon he/her for his/her identity. Talk about PRESSURE.
One day Timothy, (the hubs) and I decided to just start discussing names because we had to start somewhere. So we agreed that we would either write down three names for a girl and a boy and share them with each other, or just on the count of three, say the first name that was on our mind for a girl. I kid you not, on the count of three, we both said “Caroline.” Her name pretty much stuck from there on out, it was just the waiting game of knowing if she was a girl! The name “June” comes from my late great grandmother who had one of the sweetest souls. It truly does pain me to know she will never meet my daughter on Earth, but I’m holding out for the heaven reunion. We debated between the name “June” and my middle name for the longest time and it wasn’t until after delivery that we decided, this would be her middle name. I’m not gonna lie to you, this was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make… naming her.
There was so much pressure, so much weight attached to giving a human a name, a human you haven’t even met yet… how would I know the name fit her, how would I know that she would like her name, etc. But if you may be feeling this, take a deep breath, this is YOUR LIFE, there are no rules… if you wait until you’ve had time with your little babe to choose a name.. DO IT! If you named your babe when you were in the third grade.. WHO CARES?! This is something I have come to learn through my little 25 years of life, “This is YOUR life.”
Caroline June is our joy. It was recently the fourth of July and I noticed that instead of watching the fireworks, I was watching her. I was watching her joy as she watched the lights, the booms, as she heard all the sounds. It gave me the purest of joys to watch her lighting up with every explosion, rather than me actually watching them myself. I contemplate often how God loves his children. Is this a small, teeny, tiny portion of the love He has for his children? This thought literally moves me to the point of tears. I would give up my life for Caroline June, in a second; God gave up His son who bore the ultimate sacrifice of death because He loved us. Whoa. I don’t know if we really realize the true sacrifice that love is, or the abundance, or the magnitude of “love.” Love is so much greater than a feeling, love acts and moves and I see it everyday. I see it every time I look Caroline June in the eyes. Yes, she can make me the maddest I’ve ever been at times, please don’t misunderstand me; life isn’t perfect and it’s definitely not always smiles and rainbows. HA. Definitely not. But I don’t care about that, I care about what God called his son Jesus Christ to do for not only me or my husband, but for my daughter now, too. I care about my marriage and the incredible man of God that I am choosing to spend my life with. I care about Caroline June Rainey. I care about watching her watch the fireworks.
James 1:2-4 is just a small portion of the biggest picture there is, however, I felt it fitting for this blog post. There will be trials, there will be things that pretty much piss you off to no end, and there will be days when you feel like everything is “the worst.” Yea, we get it. That’s life and you’re not alone so pick it up, and move forward knowing that you are not only moving forward, but you’re moving forward now stronger and YES count that as joy!
2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
